Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Close a door, open a window.

I'm struck how one thing can change in a split second, how one day things are going well and the next day, everything falls down.

And here I go again at a point where I seriously wish I was in a different time, different place.

2011 draws nearer and nearer and it gives me a little pressure thinking about things and plans ~must've been the sickness I'm having. Nevertheless, it got me thinking, leaving my brain cells go haywire for the past hours.

I want to get out. I want to be out of here. Away.

I have no better resort. Truth to be told, a confession in fact, is that I have tendencies -- suicidal that is. Began when I got depressed years ago due to a hardship that hit the family hard. I attempted once, twice (I believe) and to my disappointment, I'm still here. Haha. Kidding aside, I have these thoughts every other time (but I'm still sane enough to not actually do it, just think about it.) Yet sometimes, the urge gets too overwhelming that I desire it too much that I want it to happen "accidentally". I haven't asked helped yet because I'm still conquering it and I'm praying a lot as well. But who knows how long I can keep these thoughts coming without attempting again.

I better start planning my career goals and sorts. I've realized that I've lived most of my life compromising to others. I've been living to much in their needs from me. I have sacrificed a lot already only to end up disappointed in the end. Perhaps, now's the best time that I should start thinking for myself.

I get tired of things too fast.

I guess I need something/someone/anything to pre-occupy my mind or divert my attention to at times like this.

Sometimes I get hopeless. I need a new window to open.

Windows, if possible.

I'm still sick. Slight deafness from the clogged nose. And I've been having chills the whole day. But I've been very productive. Maybe I should be sick more often so I can get more work done.

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